There’s actually a team named Stephen F. Austin in the coveted NCAA TOURNAMENT?

I know I’ve already groused about crappy teams making the Dance. But Stephen F. Austin?

First of all, I don’t even know who the hell Stephen F. Austin is, though my guess is he was probably a shitty basketball player.  I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess he founded the city of Pacoima.

Or wait – is he the dude who created “Austin City Limits?”

Pretty good show there, actually.

Or no — isn’t he that Bionic Man dude? You know, the guy who died but then was rebuilt as a robot, which is why he always had wires sticking out his arm every time he got a scratch? (BTW, If the Bionic Man has a wet dream, does he suffer a short circuit?)

Seriously, though. Does anyone in this universe think Steve Austin deserves to be in the tournament more than Florida, Kentucky or West Coast’s very own San Diego State?

Okay, well — they did beat Howard Payne, I’ll give them that. But as impressive as that was, they couldn’t keep up with Louisiana-Monroe or Texas-Arlington.  On the other hand, I hear those teams are WAY better than Syracuse. So kick ass, Stew Austin! You’re riding high on my brackets.

Meanwhile, I’ll also be putting big bucks on Robert Morris, that school named after . . . some guy named Robert Morris?

Okay, I have to admit, the socialist part of me hates any school named after a person. Because you know that — even though only 30 people in the entire world have heard of these schools — they still charge roughly $80,000 a year in tuition. (And that doesn’t include the activities fee.)  And alumni from schools like Stanley Austin probably only give jobs to other Sterling Austin graduates.

They obviously aren’t a very creative school. Check out that lame-ass logo.

And here Ryantific is still out of work.