Latest breaking news from ESPN's Doris Burke: Shaq won't be playing in the Finals! Great work Doris.

Updating Saturday’s post, it appears Kobe Bryant “was as tired as he’s ever been” after Saturday’s game and needed an IV, reports ESPN sideline “reporter” Doris Burke … on MONDAY!

Thanks for the report Doris, 48 hours later. Whatever you do, don’t ask the dude when he’s doubled over, getting ready to puke in your lap during the postgame interview.

Nice work. What’s next? You going to tell us that the Lakers won Game 3 too?

I don’t know who’s more brutal, you or Mark Jackson. Problem being, these clowns are probably doing the Finals, too.

Say it with me people: How do you have a job Doris Burke?

Speaking of the Finals, I’m ready to puke in Burke’s lap now. Not exactly feeling so hot about that LeBron-Kobe matchup after tonight’s Laker loss … And I’m sure Vitamin Water has the same feelings.

Ugh. What if it was Orlando vs. Denver, covered by Jackson and Burke. Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuutal.

Pissed that you don’t have a good job and want to bag on sports stars who do, check out the archives of WCBias.com’s “How do you have a job?” blogs. Bastards.