Braggers.

Here in California, there were no real surprises. A couple of women with heavy pockets bought their way to primary victory for the Republicans (Republicans with money? Really?). And hometown homie Abel Maldonado won his bid for Lt. Governor, which is really a bid for future governor because nobody really cares about the Lt. Governor. But the real important election dealt not with silly old politics but good ole fashioned football, as the city of Santa Clara voted to accept the 49ers into their hearts. Which, of course, means that San Francisco will technically lose its team, though the Niners will only be a BART ride away.

Still, that kind of sucks. It was bad enough that the Warriors decided to go by the name Golden State, which, frankly, still confuses me. Now we have another Bay Area team that doesn’t know where it is. Because, like the New York (Jersey) Jets and New York (Jersey) Giants and Los Angeles (Anaheim) Angels, the 49ers will still be San Francisco in name even if the city is an hour drive from its future home.

The reason for this, I guess, is because no one likes Candlestick Park. I’ve never been there, but it has always looked prety crappy on TV. And its blustery days are legendary. But when the Giants baseball team moved from Candlestick, they didn’t retreat to the ‘burbs — they built a great park right on the bay. So why couldn’t the 49ers do the same?

Heck, just have one of those billionaire poltical candidates front the money. They’re good for it. And it might just get them a few votes from that bastion of liberalism. If nothing else, they can name the stadium after themselves for PR purposes. I can hear the announcers now: “Welcome to The Lady Who Nearly Took Down Hewlett-Packard Park.”

Don't let the Chargers, Qualcomm go up in smoke San Diego.

By Erick Smith

Talk has been circulating for years about when, where and why the San Diego Chargers should leave Qualcomm Stadium for a new high-tech home.

The good news is that after searching all over San Diego County it appears the only workable plot of land is a small parcel just blocks East from PETCO Park. The bad news is that means the Chargers have to worry about dealing with the City of San Diego.

It was a struggle and a drawn-out hassle to get PETCO built and sadly if this 10-acre location is truly the Chargers only viable option I’d expect much of the same.

The stadium topic once again surfaced after the Chargers released their downtown stadium plan on Thursday. Included was an artist’s rendering of the 62,000-seat stadium and some important financial figures, mainly the expected cost of $800 million divided between the Chargers, NFL and City of San Diego.

Breaking down the financials reveals the expectation the city will be on the hook for $500 million in the form of bonds, the Chargers for $200 and the NFL for $100.

Before screaming foul consider the city currently assumes an annual loss of $17 million to operate Qualcomm Stadium. Not to mention the large sum of cash the eventually vacant 60-acre Mission Valley site is worth.

So far it sounds like a solid deal for everybody involved.

The San Diego City Council has proven to be rather inept at handling even the simplest of tasks, but this needs to be something it does not screw up. This is leaving the voters out of it, who I believe have enough sense to push this project through.

Still failing to see the positives of the project? Look a few blocks west and see the glorious site of PETCO.

This section of downtown was a disaster. PETCO revitalized the area and created a building boom throughout the area. The same should hold true the second time around.

From a football standpoint, San Diego will once again be in the Super Bowl circuit since the NFL has made it painfully clear it considers city climate and stadium luxury when determining a site. The Super Bowl belongs in San Diego – I know it and the NFL knows it.

Oh I nearly forgot priority No. 1 for getting the stadium built – it will keep the Chargers in San Diego. If this plan falls through the Chargers will bolt for greener pastures (L.A. maybe?) and the 3 million-plus of us who live down here will be left with one professional sports team.

So do the right thing San Diego, build this 62,000-seat, $800 million stadium.

Dear Minnesotans:

First of all, congrats on the Twins. They seem to be doing quite well these days. And we’re still sorry about Kirby Puckett, despite all those terrible things we learned about him right before he passed.

Don’t you hate it when your heroes turn out to be, well . . . like Kirby Puckett?

But now I have more bad news for Minnesotans: You’re about to have one less sports team.

As you may know, the fine folks in Los Angeles have been without a team for a number of years. And, quite frankly, this makes no sense to us here on the West Coast (a.k.a., the ones you envy in the winter when you’re wearing six layers of clothing). I mean, L.A. is the SECOND largest market in the country. And while places like Green Bay and Jacksonville have teams, L.A. does not.

This is just not right. So we need you to give us your team.

Now, I know this is not going to endear you any more to L.A. But consider this: The great purple uniforms your Vikings wear — with that little swath of yellow — will provide a perfect match with the Lakers, that other team you lost to the much bigger and better L.A.  (To rub it in, L.A. kept the name Lakers even though there are no lakes in L.A. — tee hee).

As fans, though, you shouldn’t blame yourselves. In fact, Vikes fans showed some true grit, roughing out all those games in the cold back when. Back in the days where you’d see photos of Chuck Foreman (above) carrying a ball through a blizzard. Back when the Purple People Eaters looked like dragons with smoke coming out of their mouths. Back when Fran Tarkington scrambled not to get away from defensive lineman, but just so he could keep warm by moving a lot.

You guys were there through all that. And you had some pretty good teams, though ultimately, you couldn’t win the Big One. But that fact that you stuck around shows dedication. And I like that.

Of course, Minnesota voted that crazy, tea bagging Michele Bachman into Congress. And Minnesota legislators are trying to pass an immigration law similar to the Nazi-inspired one in Arizona. You need that law because, what — Canadians are sneaking across the border?

So, on second thought, maybe you guys don’t deserve a team.  You guys have no problems watching movies and TV shows made in L.A., right? Now you can watch your Vikings in L.A. as well. Just think of how much cooler the crowds will be:

L.A. Vikings: Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio, drunk Courtney Love

Minnesota Vikings: Garrison Keillor , Dr. Demento, drunk Canadians who sneaked across the border

Man, feel like that dude with the beard. Uh, what’s his name?

Rumplemintz?

You know who am talking about? I think he was in a coma or something.  Probably drug related, I figure.

Anyway, I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while, but my agent, Scott Bored Ass, has been in negotiations with WCBias for more pay. So far the only payment I’ve received is a couple of football helmet stickers you get from those grocery store gumball machines — and one of them was the Raiders, which I figure hasn’t been worth anything in about seven years. Frustrated, I’ve taken to standing in front of the WCBias office with one of those “Shame On WCBias” union banners that do nothing but show just how weak and lame labor unions have become.

I think when the mob buried Hoffa they also buried the labor movement. But that’s another story except that it brings to mind that old rumor that Hoffa was buried in the end zone at Giants Stadium, which recalls that old joke that he spent more time in the end zone than the Giant offense. Which brings me — in some meandering way — to Eli Manning, who, being related to Peyton Manning, brings me to the real topic I’m writing about:

That hot race car driving chick.

No, no, no — just kidding.  I’m really, actually talking about the Colts.

I guess I’m pretty tired of the naysayers complaining about the Colts basically giving up against the Jets. They say the Colts should have kept their regulars in and gone for that undefeated season and blah blah blah. But I wonder what those people would say if Manning had remained in the game and gotten the ole Joe Theisman treatment, ruining the Colts chances at a championship.

While the Colts are the winningest (that a word?) NFL team of any decade, the fact remains that they have won just one Super Bowl. And going undefeated in the regular season doesn’t really do much to help them win another.

Besides, it’s not like it hasn’t been done. The Patriots were 16-0 just recently. And while the Colts could have gone for the perfect undefeated regular season + undefeated playoffs, the fact is it’s just hard to win that much.

As the Patriots discovered.

When you think about it, it’s just not natural to win that much.  After all, what good does being perfect do for you?

And, if nothing else, Colt fans, let’s not forget that the Chargers have been your nemesis in the past few years, and they’re looking good again. So maybe a bit of rest would do some good.

So this Sunday against the Bills? Rest the entire team.  It’s at Buffalo so no one there will care. In fact, maybe Peyton Manning should take a little nap like that bearded dude – Rumple What’s His Face.

As if Favre needed something else to seal his legend.

I can’t remember the last time seven NFL teams started out 3-0.

Maybe never. I suppose I could check, but then why. My point is, it’s interesting. In fact, only one division — the NFC West — does not have an undefeated team at the top. And that’s just weird.

So there’s some disparity in the divisions right now, with several heavies sporting perfection. For now, anyway. That will change next week. But for the time being, here are my rankings for the unbeaten, starting at the bottom:

7.) Denver Broncos. So far, Kyle Orton has looked fairly sharp with no interceptions. But then again, the guy has only thrown the ball 88 times. I think Kurt Warner does that in a half. The Broncs look good early, but they can’t rely on the run forever.

6.) Baltimore Ravens. QB Joe Flacco is an emerging star. Ironically, this team –  typically built on defense - - is giving up lots of points, unless you count the game against the Browns, which I don’t.

5.) Minnesota Vikings. You gotta love Brett Favre, right? Had it been a playoff game, his final pass against San Francisco Sunday would have rivaled Doug Flutie’s Hail Mary in the annals of final plays. Except his pass was actually better. (And let’s not forget the incredible catch by Greg Lewis, making his only grab of the season thus far.) Still, in the long run, Adrian Peterson is this team’s offensive leader.  And that’s good news for the Vikes.

4.) New York Jets. The offense is highly suspect. But on two occasions, the defense has held opponents — including the Patriots — to less than ten points. And you know what they say about defense winning ball games, right? (See 1985 Bears.)

3.) New York Giants. Archie Manning was a pretty decent quarterback in his day, but his true legacy is creating (with his wife, of course)  two of the NFL’s top quarterbacks. Eli Manning is off to a good start, but so far the Giants haven’t had too tough a schedule.

2.) New Orlean Saints. Wow — this offense is on fire. In the first three games, they’ve scored 45, 48 and 27 points. Drew Brees is really coming to as a QB, and they have a diverse ground attack. Looks for these guys to light it up all season.

1.) Indianapolis Colts. Marvin Harrison is gone, but Peyton Manning still has Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark and newcomer Pierre Garcon to look for — and they’re usually open. On defense Dwight Freeney is back to his old form. Against the Cardinals these guys made the NFC champs look like NFC chumps. Could this be the year the Manning brothers go head-to-head in the Super Bowl?

No, actually — it’s not a limb. In fact – here, I’ll just say it: Peyton Manning is the best quarterback ever.

Period. ‘Nuf said.

Yeah, I know — it always seems like the current players are the best. And, yeah, let’s not forget the greats:. To name a few: Namath, Bradshaw, Unitas, Marino. I know about all those guys. I do. And they were all great. Led their teams to victories — Super Bowls even.

But have you ever seen a QB lead a team to as many come-from-behind victories as Manning? And not just come-from-behind victories, but dramatic ones. Games with 21-point deficits. Games where the team was WAY down in the FOURTH QUARTER.

Now, of course, you’re thinking, well, why did the dude let his team get behind that much to begin with? But I dismiss this line of argument. Because what counts is the end result. And when so many players would give up, Manning seems to thrive when he’s behind with little time on the clock. And if he’s way behind, well — that’s fixable.

Remember that playoff game against New England when the Colts were down by three touchdowns? Can you imagine being down 21 points to the PATRIOTS? And then calmly dismantling their defense slowly but surely until victory has been secured?

Yeah, Tom Brady is good. He’s real good. Sometimes he’s MVP good. But he’s no P. Manning. When the Colts were down against Miami tonight with three minutes left, I thought: “It’s over.” But not for the Colts — for the Dolphins. Because as long as Manning has the ball late, odds are he’s going to do something.

How often can you be that sure of a guy?

Injuries are the real X-factor, just ask Tom Brady (last year), Wes Welker (Sunday) and the Patriots.

Injuries are killing me, literally.

Donavan McNabb, Matt Cassel, LaDainian Tomlinson, all sidelined this week on my fantasy football squad, which begs the question: why did I give in and play this season?

But all those injuries are just the tip of the neck-pain iceberg this week, considering I was rear ended at a stoplight on the way to work Thursday: hit so hard it rammed my sick-ass 1997 Nissan Sentra into the back of the 2009 Mustang in front of me.

Total damage to my car? $2,500.

How much my car is worth? Probably not $2,500.

Total damage to the car who hit me? Well, a $5 license plate frame broke, but that was about it.

Total damage to the car in front of me? Don’t even want to know.

Jacked up back/neck and a doctor who doesn’t accept your auto insurance claim? Priceless.

Yep, it’s been one of those weeks.

But at least I get to milk this little whiplash thing for the weekend, loungin’ around the house in the lazyboy, enjoying some college football until: bam! the Washington Huskies blindside me again with a 16-13 win over third-ranked USC.

Not that I should’ve been surprised an injury affected the outcome of that one, too.

USC starting quarterback Matt Barkley, who a week earlier orchestrated the game-winning drive against Ohio State and had me claiming USC would be in the BCS Championship Game, missed the game with a shoulder injury – which made his throwing motion look hideous during warm-ups by the way. So this is serious business for the Trojans, who must now run the table if they have any shot of leaping past Florida or Texas to get back in that title picture.

Barkley’s replacement, Aaron Corp, was almost as hideous as Barkley’s jacked up throwing motion Saturday, going 13 of 22 for 110 yards, 0 TDs and 1 INT. Brutal.

It was the worst passing performance in the Pete Carroll era as the Trojans also managed to get skunked on each and every one of their 10 third-down conversion attempts. Nice. 0-for! The Trojans!

Injuries are the real X-Factor in sports. And if you don’t believe that, watch what happens to Philly and San Diego this weekend without their big guns. And keep a close eye on my Florida Gators while you’re at it. Injuries to LB Brandon Spikes, not to mention concerns over a Swine Flue outbreak, have the Gators in “panic” mode.

Yep, there goes my BCS prediction, not to mention my insurance premium, thanks to injuries.

Ugh, my head hurts. Someone get me some HGH.

This is more like it.

Some times I can be such a woman.

Like, remember that time I wrote about how unbent visors annoy me?

What the hell was that all about?

And then that time I wrote about stirrups?

I’m a PC kinda guy and all, but back when I was in school, any guy writing about socks would clearly be called g-a-y.  And in southern Indiana, that wasn’t exactly a hip thing.

But get this — it doesn’t stop there. I also wrote about guys in baseball who pull their pant legs down.

How does a sports blog take itself seriously when writing so much about fashion?  I mean – seriously? Reading this blog is getting to be like watching “The Devil Wears Prada” minus that hot chick, Anne What’s Her Face. (BTW, her boss was such a bitch! OMG!!!)

But here’s the thing: I really, really want to say something about the New England Patriots’s uniforms.

I know, I know — that stuff I said earlier. But still. Did you see highlights from the game over the weekend? The Pats, wearing their old school uniforms, making Tom Brady look like Steve Grogan?

Those uniforms rock, man! For years now, we’ve been stuck with those hideous, USFL-looking things the Patriots wear. And because they’ve been succesful with them, and dumb jock-types are superstitious, they’ll probably stay with them.

And it’s not just the Patriots.  I’ll take Tampa Bay’s old helmets – even with its sissy colors — over the current ones any day.  Those things look like rejects from the Euro NFL. Remember that? Rejects from the U.S. playing football in soccer stadiums?

I could go on, but with each line I feel my masculinity diminishing a little.  But I’ll just conclude by saying that when I was a kid and I got those little plastic helmets from the bubble gum machine, the Patriots’s was my favorite. I dare say it made me proud to be an American, except that in reality it didn’t.

Just when you thought he was healthy.

So I was watching the Bears-Packers game last night when Al and Chris started talking about how Brian Urlacher was finally completely healthy this year. And as soon as they said it, I was like: “He’s gonna get hurt.”

Not that I thought they put the hex on him or anything. I just figured a guy who gets hurt as much as Urlacher is bound to get hurt again.

Sure enough, Urlacher didn’t play the next half.  And today we learn that he’s out for the season.

Nice. Coulda at least made it through one game, dude.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to have a job where you make millions sitting on your ass like Urlacher will this year? Maybe I should have Al Michaels talk about me being healthy for the first time. Then I can get disability, which is basically 60 percent of crap.

On second thought, Al, nevermind.

Quarterback Jim Hart -- back when St. Louis was a two Cardinals city.

Okay, this post is for football fans in St. Louis.

Of course, I say St. Louis, but it could also be for football fans in Baltimore. Or Cleveland. Or Houston.

Anyway, St. Louis fans — I have a question for you: When your team moved to Phoenix, did you continue to root for the Cardinals?

I mean, it was the same team you rooted for the year before, right? Same players, same red birds on the helment, same under .500 record. They just played in a different city. So I assume, even though you might have been bitter about it, you continued to root for the Cardinals. (This, of course, presumes that there were any fans for what was a pretty sucky team.)

Now, for you young fans, let me clarify something: Yes, at one time, St. Louis did have two sports teams named the Cardinals. Now you can continue playing your Madden games or your Rock Band or whatever.

For the rest of you, this is my most important question: What happens when the old Cardinals (a.k.a., the Phoenix Cardinals) play the new Cardinals (a.k.a., the St. Louis Rams, formerly known as the Los Angeles Rams)?

I’m sure the same dilemna occurs when the Cleveland Browns play the old Cleveland Browns (The Baltimore Ravens), when the new Baltimore Colts (the Baltimore Ravens) play the old Baltimore Colts (the Indianapolis Colts), or the new Houston Oilers (Houston Texans) play the old (Tennessee Titans).

Can you fans help me out?