First of all, it got me thinking how many screws loose Hawk Harrelson must have. Because there’s no way Vizquel makes it as a first ballot Hall of Famer. With a career .272 batting average and just 79 all-time homeruns, I’d say he probably doesn’t have much of a chance to make the Hall at all, except that he does have 2,739 hits, and 3,000 usually gets you a ticket to Cooperstown.

But, of course, Harrelson wasn’t thinking about offense, which raises an interesting question: Is defensive prowess enough for Hall of Fame induction?

Naturally, two players immediately come to mind here: Brooks Robinson, of the Orioles, and Ozzie Smith, of the Cardinals.

I wasn’t really of age when Robinson played, but I’ve seen the film reels, including that oft-played one where he throws a guy out, off balance, while seemingly about five feet past the third base foul line. (See it at the 1:30 mark here.)  The way people describe Robinson, that was the type of play he made on a routine basis, which warranted his induction.

Again, I wasn’t really there. so I have no frame of reference. But I was there for Ozzie Smith, which I can speak to.

First of all, Ozzie never was a huge prospect to begin with. In fact, his time playing college ball at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, was so unremarkable that a photographer from the local paper couldn’t even find a photo of him in a Cal Poly uniform from the paper’s archives. (Ok, he did find one — from a scrimmage Smith played AFTER his college days were over.) But in the pros, he quickly made a name for himself not just doing flips on the way to the infield, but for making dazzling plays on a routine basis.

Ozzie never hit more than six home runs and only hit over .300 once (.303, in 1987).  Career batting average: .262.

So clearly, these guys made it on the basis of defense. After all, Ozzie won 13 Gold Glove awards. Robinson won 16.

Since Vizquel has won 11 Gold Gloves, maybe there is an argument that he should be a Hall of Famer like Smith and Robinson.

But not really a good one.

Because while Robinson and Smith are known for their defense, you can’t discount what they did offensively. Robinson, for example, hit 20 home runs or more on six occasions, 90 RBI or more on four occasions. And while Smith never put up gargantuan numbers at the plate, his offense was the perfect kind for St. Louis, which had a stadium built for speed and pitching. (Ozzie stole 57 bases twice in his career. )

Vizquel had one very good season at the plate — batting .333 in 1999. And he did steal 40 or more bases twice. But he didn’t impact his teams offensively the way Robinson and Smith did.

Besides, the standards for the Hall of Fame should be pretty strict. While “Wizard of Oz” Smith and “the Human Vacuum” Robinson were arguably inducted almost entirely for their defense, they are — and should be — exceptions. Because if you’re only playing half the game, that’s not HOF material.

Guerrero -- the key to the Dodger's comeback?

Well, it’s looking pretty grim in Dodgerwood. Just when it looked like ther Men in Blue were going to tie up the series, a little rally spoiled their hopes, and now they’re seriously on the ropes.

With that in mind, I’ve thought of a few things the Dodgers can do to beat the Phillies. So, without any further adieu, here are the Top Ten Things The Dodegrs Can Do To Beat Philly:

* Convince the Phillies that the next game is Thursday and hope they don’t show up for Wednesday’s game.

* Share players, like Vlad Guerrero, from the Angels. (Hey, it’s still L.A., right?)

* Call for retro uniform night in hopes that Philly will wear blue and get confused.

* Cork bats!!!

* Secretly pour pepper in the jocks of all the Philly players and steal bases like crazy as they scratch their nads.

* Tell Broxton to get off his ass and start throwing 110-mph fastballs.

* Have Don Zimmer tackle Pedro Martinez.

* Make new rule where all Philly hitters have to bat left-handed.

* Sign Michael Vick as a free agent.

* Free Dodger Dogs to any Philly who strikes out.

Who will walk the nose first?

You have to admit, the two L.A. teams (including the one that’s not really L.A.) are looking pretty good right now. While they face a tough road to the World Series, we’re already thinking about the ways an LA-LA series would behoove us West Coasters. Here’s why:

* You can’t go wrong if you pick LA to win.

* Park at Anaheim, walk to Dodger Stadium.

* No snow delays.

* “Manny, meet Vlad. Vlad, meet Manny.”

* Think of the celeb sightings!

* Every game is a late start!

* On Sundays, it will make LA forget it still doesn’t have a football team.

* Before the game, Joe Torre and Mike Scioscia can get The Stoke at Malibu.

* Scalped tickets from two teams in World Series will help ailing California economy.

* “I Love L.A.” can be theme for BOTH teams.

INSIDE SALES REPRESENTATIVE
(Part-time)

JOB SUMMARY
Position is responsible for presenting and selling ticket plans, group packages and special programs. Responsibilities also include providing customer support and developing excellent relations with the existing fan base.

RESPONSIBILITIES
• Conduct telephone campaigns to acquire new business, retain current customers and generate incremental revenue.
• Maintain accurate documentation of all correspondence, prospects and feedback
• Assist customers in securing the preferred programs, seats and events that best fit their needs
• Provide superior service to all customers
• Represent the Club in a positive and professional manner during home games and select events
• Other related duties as required
Apply for this position

No, no wait…we here at West Coast Bias are proud to introduce the real Worst Job in the World:

JOB SUMMARY:
This position will renew current season ticket accounts and will focus on prospecting and selling new season ticket plans. This individual will continue to maintain the overall season ticket base and grow relationships with the season ticket holders.

PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITIES:
• Renew existing season ticket accounts.
• Sell season ticket packages to new prospects.
• Schedule meetings and conduct presentations with prospective clients.
• Attend and host various Pirates prospecting and season ticket holder events.
• Work with customer service department to fulfill season ticket holder benefits, ticket needs and answer questions.
• Educate season ticket holders on ways to utilize and distribute tickets to clients and employees.
• Attain yearly season ticket and revenue sales goals.
• Visit season ticket holders on game days to maintain relationships.
• Any other duties as assigned by Director, Season Sales & Fan Experience.
• Offsite meetings and events.

Apply for this position

There you have it, folks. The two worst jobs in America. Besides this one, of course:

The most important that you can do today is to start setting the stage for whatever sickness you’re going to come down with Friday afternoon so you can catch the Dodger-Phils game at 1:00 PST. Sure, food poisoning is always an option but I feel like there’s no drama in that. I prefer something a little more elaborate—maybe start some coughing and sniffling this afternoon followed by some complaints and red eyes tomorrow:by Thursday you should be fake sneezing and clearing your throat non-stop. At this point your cubicle mates will be begging you to stay home on Friday, so you might as well oblige. Me? I’d initially planned on driving to Vegas this weekend to try and register some voters for Barack Obama but since Obama’s numbers are looking good at the moment and I’ve been following the Dodgers for 28 more years than I’ve been following Obama I’m giving LA the nod here.

While the media was quick to point out the Dodgers had dropped the season series to the Cubs prior to the start of the NLDS, anybody with half a brain could have pieced together that the Dodger team the Cubs saw had neither Raffy, Manny nor C. Blake, rendering any and all comparisons completely moot. The Phillies, on the other hand, have seen this post-Manny/Blake Dodger team extensively (a shocking 8 games between the two clubs in the second half) resulting in a pair of exceedingly rare 4 game home-and-home sweeps.

In a lot of ways this series looks to be a pick ‘em—conventional wisdom (and the numbers) say the Dodgers have a deeper staff and the Phillies have a more explosive offense. One big difference between this series and the Dodgers-Cubs games is the presence of lefties Chase Utley and Ryan Howard in the Philly line-up. Utley hits lefties pretty well (.277/.368/.519) but Howard morphs from Juan Gonzalez circa 1998 to Juan Pierre circa now versus lefties (.224/.294/.451), making Kuo’s status for this series much, much more important. Utley and Howard make an absolutely terrifying right side of the infield and have been a contrast of opposites this season, with Utley having a lights-out first half before fading down the stretch (only 8 HR in the second-half) while Howard couldn’t hit the barn-side-of-a-broad as my dad would say for the first several months of the season before catching fire and establishing himself as an MVP candidate from July on. Ohandbytheway, the Phils also have the defending NL MVP and Pat the Bat lurking. Oh, and also Shane Victorino and Jason Werth (who MURDERS lefties) in the outfield who are no slouches either. For all of the Phillies offensive firepower (they were second in the NL in runs scored) they have a tendency to go ice-cold for extended periods, mostly because they have guys that good pitchers can get out. Ryan Howard has some enormous holes in his swing and Pat Burrell is basically the Carlos Zambrano of hitters—he’ll carry on offense for a few weeks and then hibernate for a month. The Phils will undoubtedly mash mid-level pitching but good arms can beat them and the Dodgers have some of the hottest hands in the bigs. John Kruk gave the nod to the Dodgers in the series due to their pitchers abilities to keep the ball down and minimize home runs:sadly Peter Gammons is on record saying the Phils are great low-ball hitters, so make of that what you will.

From the pitching standpoint the Dodgers should have a slight edge. The trio of Lowe, Billingsley and Kuroda went 2-1 against the Phils this year, with Billingsley suffering the lone loss. Kuroda was stellar, tallying 12 Ks in 13 IP, allowing only a .095 BAA. Kershaw is a wildcard here, MLB.com is reporting the Dodgers may give him the ball in Game 4 which may not be a bad idea—in addition to Howard’s struggles, Kershaw would also force Rollins to turn around and bat right handed, where he is slightly less effective. The Philly rotation isn’t as well rounded as the Dodgers’ but in an extended series you’re guaranteed to see Cole Hammels at least twice, which is not an appealing prospect. Hammels beat the Dodgers already once this year, allowing only 4 runs over 2 starts and 14 innings while striking out 12. Hammels is a flat out beast and is money in the bank for the Phils, as he straight dominated the Brewers in Game 1 of the NLDS. Brett Myers is a headcase—every bit as erratic as Carlos Zambrano but I could see him getting the Philly fans at the Bank behind him and sacking it up Friday afternoon. And speaking of Friday afternoon—Myers has an ERA of over 5.50 on over 6 days of rest and an ERA on the wrong side of 5.00 during day games. I’m just saying.

So how will it play out? I think the Dodgers are at an advantage starting out on the road actually. With just a split of the series they go back to LA feeling good about themselves throwing Kuroda in game three at home, yeah? I vote for yeah. Dodgers in six.

In a way it’s nice expectations are low. The Cubs are a better ballclub than the Dodgers, that much has been established and written about 1,000 times by now. Coming in as the favorite brings its own version of The Madness, but this little-engine-that-might mindset is no less comfortable. The Cubs took the season series from the Dodgers but those games were all pre-Manny, which would be like an episode of 30 Rock without Alec Baldwin. Only worse.

Hell of a thing, the playoffs. Hell of a thing. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go throw up.