How many "Heat is on" headlines will I read Friday?

Not sure if you heard the news, but LeBron James is going to Miami.

Not Los Angeles (sorry Lambo). Not New York (sorry Slim). Not Chicago (sorry Pembertonian, and 68% of our readers who voted in the LeBron poll). Not Cleveland (sorry: umm, we don’t know any Cavs fans here at the Bias).

But I do know someone who isn’t too happy about LeBron’s decision, and it’s a breath of fresh air to finally hear Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert say what I suggested last month: that LeBron gave up on his team during the playoffs.

“He quit,” Gilbert told the AP. “Not just in Game 5, but in Games 2, 4 and 6. Watch the tape. The Boston series was unlike anything in the history of sports for a superstar.”

You think that was bold, wait until you read Dan Gilbert’s Open Letter to “Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight,” where he goes off on James’ “several day, narcissistic, self-promotional buildup” and “cowardly betrayal,” and even goes as far as to claim (in all caps):

I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE

Sounds like Gilbert’s been drinking whatever Ron Artest has been drinking of late. Lay off the crazy juice, Gilbert. Leave that stuff for The Champion.

Congrats, Bulls fans. And good luck with your many future titles!

Of course, we haven’t yet confirmed this. But we wanted to be the first — just like all the other journalists and faux journalists (a.k.a., “bloggers”) out there. And since we are not connected in any way to LeBron James and really have no clue what he’ll say on ESPN in a tad bit, we’ve reduced ourselves to a projection based on nothing. But we’ll just keep reporting that James made his pick based on team chemistry, his love for Chicago and the team’s six championships under his hero Michael Jordan.

“I have some big shoes to fill here,” James didn’t say Thursday. “I just hope I can live up to the expectations of Chicago fans and win some championships.”

Fans at Chicago sports bars were reportedly cheering wildly while drinking beers and ignoring the Cubs. Meanwhile, there was an audible groan from Cleveland fans and Dwyane Wade, the latter saying, “Hey, wait — I stayed in Miami for THIS? I promised to take LeBron boogie boarding if he came to Florida!”

As part of the deal, the Bulls agreed to retire whatever number James chooses before he even plays a single game in Chicago and to erect a statue that’s 1 inch larger than Jordan’s outside the United Center, which is to be named the King’s Court.

SNOOZE: Wade didn't live up to the free agent drama.

Wow. Has there ever been a free agent spectacle that has rivaled this whole LeBron, Wade, Bosh, Boozer, That’s Amar’e thing? Seriously, it’s been more interesting than the last decade of Knicks teams combined. And it’s gonna be capped off by an hour-long ESPN special on LeBron announcing his final decision tomorrow.

Man, I hope that special isn’t a bust like Geraldo and Al Capone’s vault. Hey, LeBron, please tell us we’re not coming up empty handed at the end. And, Geraldo, please stay away from that special. In fact, how about you just stay away from television in general?

So, already, the chess pawns are being moved around, as teams try to entice James with appealing teammates. The Knicks fans now love Amar’e, the Heat are giving a Bosh bash, and the Bulls got Boozed up. Frankly, I thought Wade’s decision to stay in Miami was — yawn — rather boring.  See if HE gets an hour special next time he’s a free agent.

But at this point, you have to say that three teams are in the running for LeBron — the Cavs, the Heat and the Bulls. But clearly he has a chance to win with two of those — the Heat and the Bulls.

If he joins either of those clubs, the team automatically becomes an all-star squad. The Heat with Wade, Bosh, James and Michael Beasley (assuming they keep Beasley, but even if they don’t) and the Bulls with Rose, Deng, James , Noah (assuming they keep Noah, but even if they don’t) and Boozer.  The only other contender would be the Celtics and the James-less Chicago or Miami team, and both would come up short.

Speculation is still abound. One source said James was seen looking into Billy Joel’s old pad in New York. Another says there’s no way LeBron would dis’ Cleveland in an hour special. But I’m still sticking to my long ago prediction of Chicago. Remember, he loves Chicago and Jordan. And Boozer is a former Cav that he liked playing alongside. Plus, really, if he joins Chicago, there’s no stopping them from winning 60+ in the regular season and easily making the championship.

Now how to the Lakers respond? Is this year’s championship team good enough to take on a LeBron-led Bulls or Heat? I say they’d have more luck finding Geraldo in Bugsy Siegel’s vault.

Phil Jackson will be his coach.

As Jackson prepares to take yet another Lakers team to the championships, there’s talk that he will face a significant pay cut after this year. Jackson has said that even with a pay cut, his salary will be “ridiculous,” which might suggest he’s above monetary rewards. But whatever. Sure, he doesn’t need the dough. And he doesn’t strike me as a greedy sort of guy. But it’s about respect. If you’re the winningest coach in the league by far, you should be paid accordingly.

And who knows — maybe he’ll donate the money to save the whales or some other cause. That way he can stick it to The Man and help his fellow mammal.

Whales are mammals, right?

My point is, Jacko’s gone after this season. And what better place for him to go but to that other city that gave him so much respect. To the city with the league’s other best player? (Soon to be LeBron).

One thing’s for sure: Jackson doesn’t go to losers. So he’s going to pick a team with a good chance of going all the way. 

Oh, and by the way? Last I heard the Bulls needed a new coach.

LeBron + Jackson = happy Bulls fans.

LeBron James will be a Chicago Bull next year.

There’s been lots of speculation, of course. Will LeBron go to the Knicks to revive the New York franchise? Will he stay in his home state and seek a repeat? Will he give up basketball for a Broadway dancing career?

Well, forget all that. LeBron’s going to the Windy City. Why? Because he loves it.  When asked about the city of Chicago, LeBron said it was one of the great places in America. This, of course, comes after Bull Joakim Noah criticized Cleveland, which shows exactly what kind of person he is.

A correct one. Seriously, have you ever been to Cleveland? It sucks.

But also? James is number 23, right? He won’t be next year, of course, because he doesn’t think any player in the NBA is worthy of #23. Because #23 once belonged to — always belongs to — his hero: Michael Jordan.

A former Bull. Remember?

Oh, and also? James used to play in Chicago during the summers. Even participated in Jordan’s hoops camp. Once met Jordan — after a Cavs game — when he was a teen. Every time he goes up for a dunk, shoots a three or eats an Egg McMuffin, he’s thinking: Jordan, Jordan, Jordan.

Sure, the Bulls suck — though not as much as the city of Cleveland. But with James recalling Jordan, you can bet they’ll be instant contenders. Enjoy the ride, Cavs fans. You’re just about out of gas.

Trivia time: So how many kids does Kemp really have? According to Wikipedia, it’s only seven.: and on top of running the point for the Cavs, I’m also starting up a new franchise in Seattle if you believe that one.
At least Kemp is taking care of them all, however many there are:
“You’ll never hear any stories about me not taking care of my kids,” he said.

Speaking of Kemp, I’m wondering what to do with my old and new school Kemp jerseys, now that both the Reign Man and Sonics are history. Post your suggestions below. Craziest idea wins you a free trip to Oklahoma City.

“Sit yo ass down!”

That’s what BronBron barked at Gloria James as the players stumbled back toward the floor.
And TNT caught the whole scene and even replayed it at halftime.
Nice. Wonder what LeBron got her for Mother’s Day. A nice cup of shut the f—- up. Maybe a fresh can of whoopass.
Happy Mother’s Day Mamma LeBron!
Then again, it’s not like Gloria LeBron is your model citizen.
A couple years ago, LeBron’s mom was arrested for driving while intoxicated, disorderly conduct and other charges, kicking out the back window of a cop car in the process.
Gloria James, come on down! You’re the next contestant on BG’s “Name That Criminal.”