West Coast Bias » Andruw Jones

And There Was Much Rejoicing

WCBias — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 00:17:00 +0000

AT LAST, OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER!

It was with huge smiles, open arms and massive wood that I read this story, which means the words “the Dodgers” and “Andruw Jones” will never be uttered in the same sentence again. Unless, of course it’s something like, “The Dodgers should have never signed Andruw Jones in the first place” or “Andruw Jones was the biggest Dodger bust of all time”. No word yet if President Elect Obama is going to declare a National Holiday or if the good folks of Los Angeles will simply settle for a ticker tape parade, the likes of which have not been seen since the end of WWII.

The takeaway lesson here is that it’s never too late to admit and correct your mistake (George Bush, take note). I would like to say that nobody except Dodger fans can really appreciate how special this day truly is but I have a feeling Aguilas Cibaenas’ supporters know the burning, itching sensation that is Satan Jones all too well.

Are you there God? It's me, BG

WCBias — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 23:03:00 +0000

Hi God, it’s me, Brian.

I know we haven’t been talking much lately but I was wondering if you could help me out with something. You see, I really, really, really would like to see this happen. I know you’re not really a bargaining kind of guy because you’re all-powerful and there’s nothing that I can do that you couldn’t already do yourself but could you please just grant me this one wish? And yes, I do realize that I am praying to you like you are a genie and not capital-G, God but still, help a brother out. Unless you are a Mets fan, of course. Judging by the way they finished the last two seasons I can’t imagine that you are though. And speaking of, is AJ really a project the Mets want to undertake at this point? New ballpark, heated rivalry with the Phillies…whatever, sorry God, I’m getting off topic. Just do me this solid, yeah? The way I see it, you owe me for making me shiver through the weather this Winter. Frigid. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Anyway, I’ll get back to letting you do your thing.

Your pal,

Mario Mendoza Sues Andruw Jones Over Trespassing on His Line

WCBias — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 02:31:00 +0000

Trespassing charges were filed today in Los Angeles County Criminal Court today against Dodgers Center Fielder Andruw Jones. The plaintiff in the case is former Major Leaguer Mario Mendoza, the owner and proprietor of the eponymous Mendoza Line. “This is all me,” Mendoza said on the courthouse steps, Dodger Stadium visible in the distance. “I’ve got records to show I was here first. If [Jones] thinks he can just come on along and hit under my line he’s got another thing coming.” Mendoza then directed all further questions to his legal team. Mendoza is represented by Richard Asswater of Asswater and Associates, LLC.

“My client is definitely the aggrieved party here,” Mr. Asswater, Esq. told WCBias when asked for comment. “Well, him and every single fan of the Los Angeles Dodgers as well. In fact, we’d like to open this up into a class action lawsuit.” Mr. Asswater has previously been involved in low-profile cases involving Peter McNeeley, Carl Pavano and Sam Bowie.

Mendoza’s suit seeks unspecified damages and also carries a lesser count of Impersonating a Major League Baseball Player. The Honorable Horatio McNulty will be presiding over the caseâ€”while technically unable to issue a statement on an open case, the words “open and shut” were plainly audible to those crowded into the packed courtroom. Neither Andruw Jones nor The Los Angeles Dodgers were available for comment.

Jones hitting it big in Las Vegas?

WCBias — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:22:00 +0000

While I was losing all of my money at a friend’s bachelor party in Sin City this past weekend, I was reminded by friend at the Las Vegas Review-Journal that Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Andruw Jones is playing for the local minor league club.
“Good to hear I’m not the only one striking out in Vegas this weekend,” I quipped.
A.J., a one-time star who played in at least 150 games each of the past 11 years before coming to L.A., is rehabbing a knee injury and playing first base for the Triple-A Las Vegas 51s.
But it turns out Jones is actually playing pretty well for the 51s, which is more than can be said for his numbers with the Dodgers this season (.161 with three homers and 74 strikeouts in 74 games).
Entering this week’s action, Jones was hitting .385 with two home runs and two strikeouts in 13 at-bats with the 51s. He’s also trying his hand at first base for the first time. Reports suggest that Jones reaggravated his knee injury, prompting the move to the infield.
But unless he continues homering in every 6.5 at-bats, there probably won’t be any more room for him in the Dodgers’ outfield now that Manny is being Manny in left.
So for now, Jones must find ways to remain preoccupied in Las Vegas â€“ which might be difficult for a broke writer like me, but shouldn’t be too difficult for a guy who is making $35 million.

Godspeed Andruw Jones, Godspeed

BG — Thu, 29 May 2008 02:31:00 +0000

Early word out of LA is that AJ’s surgery was a smashing success. WCBias caught up with the doctor who performed the operation (pictured at right) and asked him a few questions.

WCBias: Dr. Nick, thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to meet with us. AJ sure is in good hands.

Dr. Nick: Thank you very much but I’m not actually a real doctor. I made my diploma with Photoshop and I had my first name legally changed to Doctor, so I’ve got my bases pretty much covered.

WCBias: Well, the LA Times is reporting that everything went well during the surgery, is that your understanding as well?

Dr. Nick: Yes, correct. Other than the fact that the patient was actually dead when he was brought in there was nothing out of the ordinary.

WCBias: Prior to the surgery AJ was batting .167 with 2 home runs and 7 RBI. Let’s say the surgery is a total disaster and AJ comes back a shell of his former self. How would we even know?

Dr. Nick: I can’t speculate on that at this time but you raise a good point, there’s no way to know.

WCBias: Were you or any of your staff at all tempted to try grafting other body parts onto AJ? Any old lady cadavers laying around you might be able to borrow from?

Dr. Nick: Like I told Joe Torre earlier today, anything like that would be highly unethical and also not covered by the Dodgers’ HMO.

WCBias: Thanks for your time, Doctor. Sounds like he’s in great hands.

Notes From Hell: AJ's Injury Edition

BG — Sun, 25 May 2008 16:21:00 +0000

Jo Hiuw,

Rgus ua Abhue Timwa…

Wait sorry about that, this is Andruw again and I guess my laptop was too close to the MRI and it’s garbling everything I’m trying to type. Whoops! Well, at least it’s not as bad as striking out with runners in scoring position and the game on the line! Did you know I have ONE hit this season with men in scoring position and I have struck out 20 times in those situations! 20! Even I was surprised by that number! 20! Yikes!

So you may be wondering what I’m doing so close to an MRI machine, well, I’ve got a bit of bad news for you, my knee is bothering me. I know, I know you’re thinking “What about your eyes Andruw, your eyes?!” Well, again, they tell me my eyes are fine but it’s this cartilage in my right knee that is giving me troubles. Have you ever been in an MRI before? It’s pretty awesome. You have to take off all of your bling because…well, because the nice nurse told me I had to. She thought I was wearing a bullet proof vest but I had to tell her I’m just a little pudgy these days. They put me in the machine and told me to lie still and they gave me some plastic coated headphones and I listened to my favorite dope jams…nothing like a little House of Pain to get you pumped up.

The doc is saying I’ll probably be sidelined for about 6 weeks. I met with Ned earlier and he said not to rush back; when I walked in Ned was looking at a bunch of the contracts he’d signed since he took over and I’m pretty sure he was weeping silently to himself. Did you know we’re on the hook for $7 Million for Esteban Loaiza? And I thought my deal was bad…

Andruw Jones Guest Blogs: More Notes From Hell

BG — Sun, 18 May 2008 23:17:00 +0000

Hello all,

Andruw here again, blogging from hell. This last week was arguably my best week of the year, I was 3 for 16 (.300 OBP) and I even hit a home run! Yeah, the HR was tight. It was my first since…uh…well, it was my first in a while. Also I also had a two-hit game on May 14th, which is pretty bragable…that was my first one of those since…well…yeah, you know I’m not too sure on that one either. But either way, it was tight. Sorry, I’d write more but I’m supposed to call some doctor about “Liesick Surgery” whatever that is. Love you guys!
Andruw

Season Stats:
OPS+ 47 (100 is league average)
AVG: .172
OBP: .282
VORP: -6.3
HR: 2
RBI: 7
Runs: 18

AJ in the Media
From Buster Olney’s Chat last week:
brian (los angeles): Buster, Andruw Jones is KILLING me here. Whats the word with scouts and talent evaluators? He finished? How long before the Dodgers give up on him?

Buster Olney: Brian: He looks awful, and the scouts who are watching him play are not assuming that he’s going to bounce back. The only thing that is probably keeping him in the lineup is his contract. You hear the same stuff about him that you did when he was in Atlanta — he looks great in batting practice, in working to hit the ball the other way, and once the games start, the anxiety overcomes his at-bats.

The Shot Heard 'Round the Internet

BG — Fri, 16 May 2008 01:19:00 +0000

Shoot, I didn’t believe it at first either.

LA Dodgers Inning Summary

- A. Jones homered to deep left

- A. Ethier grounded out to third

- J. Kent homered to deep left

- J. Loney tripled to deep left

- R. Martin singled to left, J. Loney scored

WCBias Proudly Announces Special Guest Blogger Andruw Jones! This Segment AKA Notes From Hell

BG — Sun, 11 May 2008 16:12:00 +0000

Hi guys, Andruw here. Just wanted to update you really quickly on a few notes from the past week. First of all, I should let you know that I’m not actually typing this because, as you all know, I am totally and completely blind. I’m dictating this to our bat boy Hector, who is also in charge of cutting my food into small, bite-sized pieces after the game. You’re probably wondering how I’m able to still play decent in the field despite my total lack of sight…well, you know how bats and dolphins use magic to know where food is? It’s pretty much like that.

Secondly, I’m going to be checking in every weekend with my stats from the previous week, as well as any high/low lights that I feel are noteworthy. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, we’ve got a game here in a few hours and I need to see if Joe’s got me playing today. Franky McCourt just bought a new Braille machine for the clubhouse, so I’m pretty excited about that.

My stats from Saturday May 3rd to Saturday May 10th:
3 hits in 14 trips to the plate, 2 Runs, 0 HR, 0 RBI, 0 SB, .313 OBP
Season Numbers:
HR: 1, RBI: 4, OBP: .279
Current OPS+ = 43 (League average OPS+ is 100)
Current VORP= -6.1 (The Dodgers have eight PITCHERS with higher batting VORP than AJ! EIGHT!!)
AJ in the media:
Courtesy of Keith Law of Scouts, Inc/ESPN:

Rob, Baltiimore: Do you see anything wrong with Andruw Jones?

Keith Law: He’s out of shape, his bat is slow, and he plays like he’s on quaaludes. Other than that, he’s fine.

Dodgers Win; Jones' Hit Streak Snapped at 2

BG — Tue, 06 May 2008 14:46:00 +0000

Joe DiMaggio’s 56 game hit streak appears safe for the moment as AJ’s bid for history ended last night at 2 games, tying him for 458,128th on the all-time list. Jones was 0-3 but shockingly failed to strike out…we will be awaiting word if anything is seriously wrong with Mets starter Oliver Perez. Despite the tragic end to Jones’ streak the Dodgers pushed the Mets around and won 5-1 behind a strong performance by Chad Billingsley and a bullpen that keeps looking better and better every day.

And is it just me or is this Mets team a disappointment? The addition of Johan Santana was expected to right the ship after their stunning collapse last year and he has, for the most part, lived up to his end of the bargain with an ERA under 3.00 and allowing just one base runner per inning. The rest of the staff has been unevenâ€”Maine and Perez have been a shade better than mediocre and they have obviously gotten nothing out of Pedro but where is the offense? Their run differential currently stands at â€“1 and they are averaging a mere 4.53 runs per game, less than the Florida Marlins, who are basically Hanley Ramirez + 7 League Average Guys. The Mets are near the bottom of the League in Batting Average, OPS and Slugging Percentage but oddly enough their collective OBP currently sits at a respectable sixth overall, which means there are a lot of runners left stranded on the basepaths. Sure we’re only a month into the season but when it is too late to use the “Hey, it’s still early!” excuse? Delgado looks like a shell of his former self at the plate, which is understandable seeing as how he is on the wrong side of 35 but what’s the deal with Beltran and Reyes? It’s possible the 2007 hangover is still lingering around this club but if things don’t change soon we will likely see the vultures reappear over Willie Randolph’s head.

Meanwhile, we’ll keep enjoying the strong play from the Dodgers who currently trail the D-Backs by 3 games after Greg’s man-crush Max Scherzer got blowed up last night.