Sorry friends, due to a battery failure/laziness/four-days-and-running-fantasy baseball draft I am just now getting around to this recap now, since I’m sure you’re all dying to know about the rest of Spring Training with your four favorite roving correspondents. Here’s the short version: Friday- wake up, waffle bar, drink beer, get JC out of bed, go to day game, drink beer, get lunch, go to night game, drink beer, go to bed. Saturday- Repeat. The longer version:
The 2010 Giants: They can't hit or run but at least their fielding is terrible.
Friday saw the triumphant appearance of G Snide to our group (he drove out Thursday night) and we rocked the Giants/Indians game in Scottsdale for the early tilt. Impressions: Scottsdale is nice…right next to ASU and we all know ASU has nice ladies (not that I’m looking of course, I’m just saying). Grady Sizemore looks alive and ready to contribute, Eugenio Velez covers a lot of ground in Center for the Giants and those blessed Giants’ fans are just as delusional as ever. “I can really see us winning the West this year,” the guy in front of us kept saying to his buddy. This after a rousing bit of applause for the likes of Aubrey Huff, Juan Uribe and the various other hounds they have in their lineup. That is just a bad, bad assemblage of talent–Pablo Sandoval (my third round fantasy pick) slapped (or “savanted”, if you’re G Snide) an oppo blooper into left for a single and then scored from first on a triple, cutting his shin and leaving the game for stitches on his slide into home. With him off of the field there’s really not even an average bat in the entire lineup. Buster Posey did get a late at bat so at least we got a glimpse of the future, for whatever that’s worth.
The afternoon consisted of a stop in Glendale where the first of two Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives was rocked. The menu is German and since I’d just had a giant Brat at the Giants’ park I went with a salad. And was made fun of. Repeatedly. Normally I would make fun of myself too but with free vouchers for a hot dog at the Reds game that night it just seemed like overkill on the wiener situation.
Al Soriano: Player voted "least likely to end up on my fantasy team" three years running
Ah, Goodyear, Arizona. Home of the worst parking lot in the Cactus League as well as John B’s traffic ticket from the year before…needless to say JC was nonplussed about the whole affair and threatened to not drive us there/intentionally crash the car in order to avoid the whole thing. Luckily, this time around we had everything pretty much wired. We arrived early (!) so we killed 30 minutes playing waffle ball in the parking lot (always a win) and then followed that up by a game that involved Milton Bradley’s ejection (shocker) and some SERIOUS bombs by Lance Nix, Jay Bruce and an inside-the-park job by Drew Stubbs (move him up your draft board). The Seattle team was also pretty sick with Ichiro and Chone generating some serious speed at the top of the order. The highlight was easily J’s foul ball off Jack Wilson’s bat in the 9th. By the end of the game there were probably only a few thousand people on hand so our odds of coming up with a souvenir were about as high as they were going to get. With two outs Wilson hit a screamer that was tracking all four of us in our mostly deserted section-the ball drilled J right in the hand and then caromed a few rows back where it was one-handed by some surprised kid. As we all got up to exit a few minutes later the kid flipped the ball to J in the ultimate reversal of fortune. Needless to say that thing was tossed around the lot for a good half hour afterward. The night ended with more wiffle in the parking lot while we waited for the snarl to clear up. Good times, Goodyear.
Saturday was our last day and started (after the waffle bar, of course) in Mesa for a Cubs/Royals tilt. The Royals are every bit as bad as you’d expect, sorry JC. Outside of Billy Butt there’s almost zero offense on that squad. There’s a few arms that look promising (Greg couldn’t stop talking about some no-name lefty that threw 2 shutdown innings and I’m sure will find a way onto his fantasy team at some point) but seriously how is J. Soria going to get any saves this year? That team is a travesty. Carlos Zambrano pitched pretty well for Chicago but again, it’s tough to get a good gauge for how dirty he was when he’s going up against KC. 19 year old top prospect Starlin Castro made a short appearance for the Cubbies and popped out in his only AB.
The second DD&D was also in Glendale and this place was called Thee Pitts and was, as you’d expect, a BBQ joint. The food was solid-average, not much different than you’d find at a place like Woody’s in Goleta only they did have deep fried pickles, so that’s a win. JC was of course down on the whole thing because nobody does BBQ like they do in the Midwest and have sampled the goods in both Omaha and Memphis I’d have to agree with him. Also 15 minutes after I ate the food was exiting my ass at 50 mph in the bathroom of a Borders. My apologies to Borders, all of their employees and shareholders.
The final port of call was at Camelback for a showdown of NL West powerhouses-the Dodgers and the Padres. With a lefty on the bump for the Pads the Dodgers sported an all-righty lineup which boasted Belliard at First in place of Loney and Reed Johnson instead of Ethier in Right. Easily one of the most tragic lineups I’ve seen. The Whale’s Vagina, of course, was worse-outside of A Gonz and soon-to-be megastar Kyle Blanks there’s nothing worthwhile to see here. Oh, speaking of Blanks: not only did he rip 3 hits he also stole a bag…watching a 6’7″, 280 lb man barreling down towards second (and beating the throw) is both awesome and terribly, terribly sad. How you can’t throw that guy out is beyond me. The Dodgers actually managed a meager two hits the entire game and it was a total bust as far as offense goes…Manny did hit 3 warning track bombs which is either a good sign or a bad sign, depending on how full your glass is. The highlight of the game was easily the Jimmy Nunez appearance. Does running into Berluti ever get old? My sources say no. And now that he’s sporting a handlebar mustachio the good times never end. Actually, that’s not true-our good times ended just a few innings later, followed by another spirited game of wiffleball and some Frisbee in the parking lot.
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
A Long Ways From Home / Civilization
The drive back the next morning was just as brutal as you’d imagine-spotty radio coverage during the basketball tournament, mildly obnoxious traffic outside of Riverside and again at LAX, but really how can I complain? I wasn’t at work and I was watching baseball with some of my best friends. Really the only complaint is with the Dodgers themselves…it’s going to be a long season, friends and on top of everything else our owner is a total bastard it sounds like. Camelback is incredible and the whole Spring Training vibe has to be experienced first hand at some point. See ya next year, Phoenix.
What the desert looks like at 80 mph
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