Things in sports that annoy me: flat bills in baseball

Could this guy look more like a dork?

Could this guy look more like a dork?

Yeah, I probably should write about how great the Lakers were, and Kobe this and Kobe that, and blah, blah, blah. But, you know what? That game was a dud. A Snooze Fest. A bore to end all bores.

And, besides, B$lim has me on the record saying the Magic would win a thrilling series. So I gotta distract your attention, sort of like ole Dick and George with the Iraqs.

So to hell with basketball championships. I wanna talk about stuff that annoys me. Namely, those tools who refuse to bend the bills of their caps.

I know — I should live and let live. But still, I have a hard time with dorks. In fact, when I see a dude wearing a flat hat, I swear I want to knock it off his head, run away with it, and stomp the holy shit out of it.

Not just once. But over and over and over.

I wanna stick the bent bill in my back pocket and sit on it. I want to drive my car over it. I want to put sewing machine oil in it, tie it up and put it under my bed and then jump on my bed.

Because that’s the way hats are supposed to look. Not like a duck-billed platypus.

Whew. Okay.

(Breathe, Pembertonian.)

Sorry about that. I just, ah, got a little out of hand there. But, seriously, folks. Bend your bills. Anything else is just  not natural.

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