Things in sports that annoy me: Walks in softball

Here I am -- a real swinger.

Here I am -- a real swinger.

I’m not agro or anything, but whenever I see a guy looking for a walk in softball, there’s a small part of me that wants to pinch his head off.

Seriously. Is there anything more lame in life than a guy who wants to get a walk in softball? I mean, we’re talking about slow pitch softball. One notch above tee ball.

And let’s not forget that most leagues only allow little more than an hour per game. So when a guy takes four pitches every time at bat, that sucks up about 10 of those precious minutes. But more importantly, I ask, why?

Why, why, why?

Okay, the rest of you softball players take a breath. Or, better yet, go to the batting cages and hit some balls. After all, you swingers deserve it. Besides, right now I need to talk directly to those esteem-deprived guys who seek walks:

Hey, Walkers. What’s up? So I’m doing this blog entry, right? And it’s not like I’m judging you (so much). But, like, I guess I fundamentally don’t get you. Because, presumably, you signed up for softball because you want to play softball. And standing at the plate, not swinging — well . . . that’s not really playing softball. That’s just sort of standing there. Like a model posing for a photo. Or a confused old person. 

And the thing is, you’re missing something really special here. You see, hitting the ball is sorta fun. When you hit the ball, you get to run, which is also kinda fun. And your teammates clap and stuff.

Walking to first base is sort of like — I don’t know — taking out the trash, I guess. Or getting the mail.

 So, do me a favor: Next time you’re in the batter’s box, take a chance in life. Swing. I don’t care if the pitch is a foot over your head. Swing at it. Hit it. And run, baby. Run like the wind.

And if you strike out trying, well . . .  burying your head in the sand is not a bad option.


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