Things in sports that annoy me: People who pretend to like soccer

You wanna know what really annoys me?

No need to show hands in this photo

I get really annoyed when people who never watch sports suddenly get all riled up about soccer.

It doesn’t happen often. In fact, these people ordinarilly never play or watch soccer.  But when the World Soccer Cup comes on, suddenly, they’re all ga-ga about it. They’ll perk up when soccer highlights are on TV. They’ll talk about individual soccer players. They might even have little soccer parties.

And note that I call it soccer. Not football, even though these nerds people will try to argue that soccer is football.

Whatever.

I smirk. I chuckle sarcastically. I mock beneath my breath.

But I think it’s the whole European/international thing. These hipsters like all things Euro, so when the Germans or French start bouncing balls off their heads, they get all excited, as if life could offer nothing better than a 1-0 thriller.

But I say snoooze.

Soccer is the one sport more dull than hockey. In fact, half the game is spent kicking balls out of bounds. The only time there’s a little excitement is when there’s a fight. And even then they can’t use their hands.

No, thanks. I’ll stick to actual football. You know, where whistling fans are happy and wimpy European guys are limited to field goals.