Hey, Pirates Fans — At Least You Can See Your Crappy Team Play Manny in September

Time to get me a Pirate's hat.

I think I might buy a Pittsburgh Pirates hat.

Not that I like the Pirates. But, you see, the Pirates suck. Which means that pretty much no one else — aside from the players and maybe three or four drunk guys in Pittsburgh — will ever actually wear a Pirates hat. And Pembertonian likes to be an individual.

You gotta feel for the Pirates fans, though. They haven’t had a winning season since 1992.

That’s 16 straight losing seasons!

Now, granted, the Pirates have been in a World Series more recently than, say, the Cubs. But there are a whole bunch of Pirates fans that have never experienced their team over .500. And from the looks of this year’s roster, I wouldn’t expect a change.

It’s almost like some teams exist only so other teams (i.e., good ones) can beat them. Ever notice how crappy teams like the Pirates don’t even bother trying to get anyone in the offseason? That’s gotta be tough.

But, hey, at least Pittsburgh has only suffered one 100-loss season in those 16 years. I guess for Pitt fans that’s their victory.

And, of course, with 16 straight losing seasons, it’s going to be hard to ever get better. You think Many Ramirez would have ever considered donning the black and gold? (Though, frankly, I think it’d fit his look.)

You wonder why anyone would ever pay to see the Pirates play, though I suspect usually there’s some other reason, like, say, wanting to see Manny Ramirez. (Sept. 25-28.)

I’m not sure what I’m trying to say here, except, maybe — I don’t know. Sorry, Pittsburgh?

But, hey — at least they have the Steelers. That’s more than those sorry bastards in Kansas City can say.