Don’t mess with Texas? More like don’t mess with Cali.
In case you missed it, and since it’s related to the Tour of California, I’m sure you did, Lance Armstrong had his bike stolen in Sactown over the weekend.
Classic. Gotta love Cali. Well, at least there’s something newsworthy going on in the Tour of Cali.
No word on a reward, but if there is, gimme a call Lance.
I happen to know an avid cyclist, let’s just call him Lambo, who once lived in Texas and recently moved back to the Sacramento area (just in time for the latest running of the TOC, hmmmm).
Not that his long-ass legs would fit on your bike, but I’m guessing he could upgrade his pink Huffy with a pretty nice road bike if he were to throw that Lance mobile on Craigslist. In fact, lemme hammer out the copy for that ad, Lambo, since I know you’re photographer and not much of a words guy.
TOC Time Trial Bike - $10,000 obo (sacramento downtown)
Date: 2009-02-15, 10:18AM PDT
Looking for a road bike that can take your cycling to the next level? If so, this is the bike for you. This bike has been ridden by a seven-time Tour de France winner, although I can’t include his name because I don’t want him to find out I jacked his trike from that Ryder rental truck parked in the alley behind the Residence Inn by Marriott at 1501 L Street on Saturday night. This bike is so sick it can help defeat cancer and help you catch a sweet babe like Sheryl Crow along the way. This speedy Trek is mainly black with some yellow livestrong text, not sure what all that stands for. It has Bontrager wheels, a comfortable seat and handle bars that have barely been used. The chain is clean and the gears switch over smoothly. The serial number has been scratched out for some reason, but everything else is in great working condition. Interested parties should contact us at www.Lambo-Loves-To-Wear-Spandex.com.
TOC Time Trial Bike - $10,000 obo (sacramento downtown)
Date: 2009-02-15, 10:18AM PDT
Looking for a road bike that can take your cycling to the next level? If so, this is the bike for you. This bike has been ridden by a seven-time Tour de France winner, although I can’t include his name because I don’t want him to find out I jacked his trike from that Ryder rental truck parked in the alley behind the Residence Inn by Marriott at 1501 L Street on Saturday night. This bike is so sick it can help defeat cancer and help you catch a sweet babe like Sheryl Crow along the way. This speedy Trek is mainly black with some yellow livestrong text, not sure what all that stands for. It has Bontrager wheels, a comfortable seat and handle bars that have barely been used. The chain is clean and the gears switch over smoothly. The serial number has been scratched out for some reason, but everything else is in great working condition. Interested parties should contact us at www.Lambo-Loves-To-Wear-Spandex.com. 
I would just like to release this statement to claim my innocence. The far reaching arm of WC Bias and its Editor have apparently seen fit to convict me in the court of public opinion. First off, the huffy is still in peak condition, as was evident during the community ride on the prologue course before the pros. I was dancing on the pedals, and if it wasn’t for that little girl with the training wheels I feel my result would’ve been better. Now I am taking this time to accuse the Editor of this page and his underground “Pink Sock Posse” of lifting the bike with the help of photographic research done the day before by an unnamed photog who drove five hours to shoot the sacramento prologue for no apparent reason. Word around the campfire is that the Editor’s fishing results have dropped significantly in the last two years due to a lack of help from the past and future BassMaster of the central coast whom he is now trying to frame. Free Lambo!
Dear Lambo, Mr. Neff, or whatever name you go by. The Bureau is currently looking into these claims and has uncovered solid evidence that connects you to the crime. Turn yourself in immediately, or we will be forced to hunt you and your pink spandex down. You have until Thursday. We expect to see you at the finish line of the Tour of California stop in Paso Robles. If you are a no show, we will break out the Pink Sock Posse and have them bring you in by any means possible.
Note to the federales, this oppression will not stand, man. Do the research and you will find a deep hidden passion for cycling and a desire to become one with Lance. I think that it is convenient that Lance used to live in the same home town of Santa Barbara as one of the WC Bias writers. coincidence i think not. Also consider that the Editor once stalked Lance through the back roads on San Luis Obispo County just to “interview” him. And that RK is just looking for a bike to ride since he has got to be bored watching Kobe in finish out a season that will inevitably end in the tank. Consider all of the facts. Vive la revolution and vive Lambo.