As you have heard by now, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Kobe Bryant went all by their lonesomes this past Tuesday to confront NBA commish David Stern to tell him that a 50/50 split of the pot wasn’t good enough.

Apparently, things got out of hand with one unnamed player (though it’s heavily implied that it was KG who got crazy heated) and an NBA owner had to come in and calm things down.

But what happened exactly? Not that I have any insider knowledge, but here’s what I strongly feel occurred in that little meeting:

KG, Kobe, and Pierce: (Synchronized) David, we need to talk.

David Stern: Hey, boys. You guys are all in your game gear. Good to see you’re ready to suit up.

Paul Pierce: We ain’t suitin’ up to play. We’re suitin’ up to tell you we mean business.

DS: Hahaha, OK.

Paul Pierce: Oh, is that how you’re gonna play it? I guess “good cop” isn’t your style. KG, take care of ‘em.

DS: Ha, a show, too?

KG: He ain’t takin’ us seriously.

PP: Nah, he ain’t.

(Kobe stays silent, staring at Stern.)

KG: Ooooh. This fool. He’s gettin’ me mad, y’all.

PP: You hear that, Stern? You know how KG gets when he’s mad.

DS: Kevin, calm down. Let’s talk.

PP: Kobe, what do you think? Should we calm KG down?

KB: Nah. Don’t even wanna look at Stern.

PP: You’re in trouble, David.

DS: Listen, fellas. We’re losing money.

(KG is now visibly boiling.)

PP: Ah, damn, David. Now you really got KG going.

KG: I ain’t even talkin’ to him. Tell him I ain’t TALKING TO HIM.

PP: Stern, KG is ’bout to go off.

KB: We aren’t taking 50/50, David.

DS: (Laughing) OK, boys. Good luck with that.


PP: Oh, shi–

KB: Hold it. KG, chill.

KG: This foo’ thinks I’m playing, though! HE THINKS I’M PLAYING.

KB: KG. Calm. Down.

KG: He got me so mad, Kobe. HE GOT ME SO. DAMN. MAD. I wanna cry, dawg. I wanna CRY. I WANNA CRY SO DAMN BAD.

KB: I ain’t about to deal with this.

(An unnamed man starts walking towards the room): The hell is going on over here????!?!? I’m TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP!!!

KB: Oh, damn. It’s Mark Cuban …

KG: Oh, damn …

KG: Nah, that’s it. I’m out of here.

PP: Yeah, we gotta jam.

KB: Peace, y’all.